Darswords

2 Comments:

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  Sue Egan

  May 25, 2025 at 6:04 pm

  Every day you amaze me, cuz. All of your hobbies, all the books you read (or listen to), being able to write interesting and provocative posts, playing music. For years, I’ve carried depression and anxiety and to stay sane, I tell myself, you only have to do 1 thing today. If I get through that & feel able, I will add something. Most days, I get up to feed my cat (thank goodness for Hairy, he won’t let me stay in bed all day), make coffee, and scroll around the internet or plop in my recliner and watch tv. I’m trying to fit in more books but (except for Stephen King), I lose interest. Last year I started painting with acrylics & my family encouraged me. A year later, my dining room table is filled with canvas and paints but my mind goes blank if I sit down to do anything. Oh well. Maybe I’ll be inspired tomorrow. Perhaps I’ll remember that time…💙

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  • 

    darsword

    May 25, 2025 at 11:12 pm

    ADD, dyslexia, depression, and social anxiety play against my everyday. Keeping the blog helps me keep track of me.

    When my four were children it was like I was working my butt off but there were four tornados behind me messing it up again. As their father got home I’d look around and see the house as he must have and thought what I thought were his thoughts, “She sits around all day eating bon bons!”

    I made lists at the beginning of the day of things I wanted to get done. At the end of the day I didn’t get to check many of those off. It was discouraging.

    So I quit writing the to-dos. Instead I thought about it. What did I do. Even if the look of the house was just a mess, my thoughts went to what my mother-in-law would say to me, “In a hundred years it won’t matter.” or “You can’t see it from an airplane.” I’d laugh but it made me think.

    What will matter in a hundred years? Will someone care that I read to the kids or built forts in the living room? And from that plane my life and I are just part of an anthill.

    Then I worked at this school. Lynn, the director inspired me with her theme for the school. Passion.

    I started looking at that. I had a passion for my kids. For music, for so many things.

    So I wrote list towards those things.

    The kids moved out as they do when grown.

    The school ended. But I had to work in horrid jobs who didn’t care about their people.

    Suddenly I was in a deep depression. The many drugs the doctors gave me didn’t help at all. Life felt gray.

    My voice teacher had told me long ago that sometimes you have to see the bird outside your window and take that bit of joy.

    I tried counseling but it only took me so far before the insurance dropped me.

    So I sought my passions. I wanted to get back to piano but too much of my angst came from that. So the first time I left piano my teacher gave me her ukulele. So I started there. Again. As a grown up. Recorder, uke, and violin brought be back to piano and passion is soaring.

    Long ago I saw someone knitting socks and I wanted to, so I learned. It became a passion.

    Diamond painting isn’t so artistic. I would rather draw. But pretending will lead me there. I think.

    Feeding the cat is a beautiful thing. Hairy is so lucky to have you and you him. I get that so much! Staying in bed all day? Been there done that. Sometimes you have to just breathe in and out and be happy with that. And you are painting! I want to but haven’t even started with the drawing. Follow the passion but be mindful of your own energy. Be kind to yourself. We are all going through a lot, our brains can only do what they can. When you have a success in your day write it down. Keep track of it. Water it like a seed. If it fails learn and find something else. Love. <3<3

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