English: Vladimir Bystrov. 2006 Russian Premier League (FC Zenit St.Petersburg v.s. FC Spartak Moscow) Русский: Владимир Быстров в матче 7-го тура чемпионата России 2006 против петербургского «Зенита» (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
In case you have wondered where I’m hiding, picture a little whiny ball of pain curled up on the bed. That’s me. Except I can’t stay in a ball. I must constantly change my positions. It’s like those first few days when you know you’re catching something, you’re all achy, can’t think, pretty worthless to everyone. Can’t even stay focused on a book or television show. Too cold then too hot, dizzy–blech!
For me that is a flare, a fibro-flare that comes with fibro-fog. Nothing soothes the pain and it is ALL OVER!
It always comes as a surprise. I felt so good last week end and the first of the week. When my pain isn’t the major part of my life, I do things, fun things. I make plans. If I think of the pain, I almost think it was just a dream. Hey, maybe I could go back to work?! Maybe I could go on that awesome hike!
I did manage to go to my writers’ group on Wednesday evening. I had a great time. Even started a new story that was fun. But then by about 9pm I started fogging out. I couldn’t sleep all night. Thursday was a blur and that blur continues today. Grrrrr! I know I can’t get a job. I know I can’t make plans. Still, I try not to sleep my day away. I read small amounts, surf the web lightly, try to write down ideas of what I might like to do when the flare becomes more bearable.
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After going through this for a few years, I do console myself with the fact that it doesn’t last forever. Along with that notion comes, when it is gone I am so wiped out that it takes a few days to recover. Then I can’t remember all the things I wanted to do once I got well. Any exercise routines must be started anew. All the tasks around the house that waited on me are still there. Then I am overwhelmed with what to do first, and I feel bad that what I want to do is run around the block, go to the park and play. I don’t want to do housework or boring stuff. Yet, at 63 the life of guilt hits me with the hammer. Then the cycle continues and no fun is had.
I must learn to find that happy medium. Maybe she can help me! 😉
Darswords 
A happy medium with a crystal ball? haha! Very clever.
I’m sorry you’re in such pain. Have you tried to keep a notepad around or in your pocket so you can jot down ideas when you’re feeling foggy?
Yeah, got a few of those notebooks around. It does help when I can remember where I wrote what and decipher what my note meant. I get a good laugh out of some of those notes to self story ideas, and now bloggy ideas.
Fibromyalgia is a real pain in the everything. I’m sorry you have to deal with it. Your pun at the end made me chortle, though. 🙂
One has to keep a sense of humor. There has to be scientific facts that back up my assumption that laughing lessens pain. 🙂
There are! 🙂
Writing is the one thing that can be set down and ignored for a while and it won’t gather dust, or mold. And it never spoils, no matter how long it sits out.
No matter how many bouts of ups and downs you have, writing will always be there waiting, as will writer friends…
That is comforting, E.J. When the fog and pain are worse writing does sit on the shelf. But the next level up, when the fog clears, reading helps me get lost so I can get above the pain. The next level is writing. Usually writing fantasy/sci-fi helps me forget the real world. Then in Summer, when I have more good days,I get out and writing/reading habits disappear. This year, I hope to stay active by blogging. This is fun! What a great way to make new friends from around the globe! It is wonderful that we can be there for each other through it all, having never met face-to-face.
Thank you, E.J.!
I can begin to imagine your pain and frustration. But I do admire your attitude. To keep trying and plodding away. I appreciate these glimpses into other lives. It teaches me to be so grateful for my simple problems. You will be in my thoughts today. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for your understanding and encouraging words. I have found it great to step into other peoples’ lives through blog. It was something I promised myself to do on my own. Sometimes that is hard, for when I feel like whining, I hear that I should be more optimistic. But how will my honesty show if I sweep all that under the carpet? And by whining I have found others who are going through similar pain who want a voice for it. When you are deeply in pain, you cannot find your voice. It is a relief to see yourself, you pain, reflected back. That said, none of us want to live there. If we are breathing and eating and able to absorb a little of the beauty of the world, we have a lot to be grateful for.
Thank you for your kind words.