Tag Archive: death


Memories Monday


I was just researching my first blog about Kali. Maybe the archives don’t go back to December 9th, 2016. That’s the day Laura, my daughter brought Kali to me. The first blog I can find is This One. There is a picture of me from when Kali was still my grandpuppy and lived with Laura.

Now, this picture will make me cry forever. Kali is so sweet and full of energy. It is hard to remember her from back then. But if you do a search on the name Kali on my blog, you will see she even had her own blog for a while.

Please forgive me as I journey down memory lane.

As I said, Kali was Laura’s dog. They were inseparable. Laura took her everywhere. They shared a home with Logan, her brother, and Vader, Logan’s huge dog. Sometimes my brother and I would pet sit if the offspring had to go to a place where dogs weren’t allowed. Kali would sleep with me. Vader would sleep with my brother.

I felt we connected during those short visits.

Soon Laura decided it was time to get her own apartment. Kali didn’t like being alone while Laura went to work. Separation anxiety caused Kali to rip up Laura’s apartment.

Our house had four adults home all the time. We all thought we might be able to help her. And so it was decided Laura brought Kali to me on my birthday in December 2016. Doesn’t that seem a long time ago?

~~~

Please excuse me while I curse internally for a moment. I had a LONG blog ready to publish and only the top bit was saved. I am going to attempt to rewrite the WHOLE thing, even though it was full of painful memories. But I best get on with it.

~~~

Kali, a rat-terrier, had a lot of energy. We rarely had a quiet day at first. And that was good for me. Even though it was a very cold winter, I had to take her outside. I got a good tam that first year. We did a lot of playing in the yard or taking walks. She loved rides in the truck.

If you wanted to see a dog dancing pirouettes pull out the leash. It was hard to hold still but she wanted to go badly enough that she’d hold still to let you put on the harness or the coat if needed.

But she had social anxiety and couldn’t tell who was good or bad. She might attack the sweetest dogs and made some walks very scary for me.

After three donut turns at night, Kali would curl up in her ‘donut dog’ shape and sleep with me. It made me laugh every night.

Before Kali came it was only Teddy and Rosey. Teddy divorced me the minute Kali moved in. I tried to explain to him that I still loved him but he wouldn’t sleep with me or sit on my lap for the longest time. Only recently did he come back to me sleeping in the bed and spending lap time. I’m glad he forgave me before he left us for that rainbow bridge a few weeks ago.

Though we only had her for seven years it seem like we were together forever. Kali was a part of my daily life. Even with her quirks, she was my best friend.

In the last few months Kali was diagnosed with doggy’s Alzheimer’s, arthritis, cataracts. Her inability to see and her confusion would have her lost in a corner here or there. She was in a lot of pain and we finally had to give up outside jonts as she could get hurt falling up or down the steps or get lost in bushes. We lined our house with piddle pads and eased her shame that it was all she could do. I gradually had to have her sleep on a little bed at the foot of my bed. I felt badly that she couldn’t sleep with me but she fell off the bed so many times and I was always scared she might hurt herself. This whole process was so painful for all of us. From the high energy of her youth to seemingly older than us in the end. Taking care of an elder dog is heartbreaking.

~~~

I know there was more here but I forgot what I wrote drat it!

~~~

So the last couple weeks she just got more and more tired, just laying at first on the sofa but soon even that was too dangerous so we would scoope her up and put her on either the bed in our room or the bed in the living room where she was right on the floor.

The last few days she gave up food and water. We could no longer give her the pain meds as they needed food or she’d get sick. This was so hard. Look up what to expect from a dying dog. She was all that list. The only good was she preferred lap time with me and I would spend that time talking to her and petting her ears. She loved that.

We live so far from a vet that the trip to have her euthanized seemed crueler than just easing her with love. Yes there was pain but that trip is very painful.

We four adults took shifts in the last days so that she was never alone. We did all we could to keep her comfortable and knowing she was loved.

At 5:11 this morning my husband woke me (I’d just gone to bed at 3:30) and told me that Kali went peacefully.

I woke to an already cleaner house as my brother had picked up and thrown away all the piddle pads and all the bedding and towel were in the washer. He even had a small funeral with the little cat outside as witness. We were all wet faced for several days. Kali is missed. How many dogs love loom knitting?

Here’s a little poem my husband, Chris created with the IA program.

A loyal friend who loved to play, 

A furry companion who brightened each day, 

A faithful pet who stole our hearts, 

Our beloved dog who now departs. 

With wagging tail and happy bark, 

You greeted us each time we embarked, 

On walks and runs and games of fetch, 

Your presence made us feel so blessed. 

You snuggled close on cold, dark nights, 

Your warmth and love were shining lights, 

You listened closely to our tales, 

And licked our tears when we felt frail. 

But now you’re gone and we’re alone, 

Our hearts are heavy, our souls are moan, 

We’ll miss your smile, your silly ways, 

And cherish memories of better days. 

Rest in peace, dear furry friend, 

Your love and loyalty will never end, 

Though you’re no longer by our side, 

In our hearts, you’ll always reside. 

Made by Chris https://openai.com/blog/chatgpt 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday


Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “wild animal.” Choose a wild animal (or many wild animals) and use it any way you’d like in your post. Enjoy!

Do not go gentle into that good night
Dylan Thomas – 1914-1953


Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

From The Poems of Dylan Thomas, published by New Directions. Copyright © 1952, 1953 Dylan Thomas. Copyright © 1937, 1945, 1955, 1962, 1966, 1967 the Trustees for the Copyrights of Dylan Thomas. Copyright © 1938, 1939, 1943, 1946, 1971 New Directions Publishing Corp. Used with permission.

Dylan Thomas
Dylan Marlais Thomas, born October 27, 1914, in South Wales, was the archetypal Romantic poet of the popular American imagination




In other words fight like a wild animal. I’m not ready to talk much more about it. Just know, my poor Kali is fighting against the machine. Old age is mean even to dogs.






Depression


I usually try to be uplifting. But situational depression is attacking. Cold, windy weather,

Treadmill broken waiting for companies to do their part in replacing or fixing this unit.

Probably the biggest weight is my poor dog as she goes downhill. Nothing we can do. It’s part of life.

And my therapy is knitting. Unfortunately I’ve spent today making and tinking two heels. A whole day just to get back where I started.

Something I learned in real therapy is to look for the good of the day. Okay. I got my resistance bands in the mail. I plan to try them out tomorrow.

I did get a bit of editing done. I just wonder how much my mental state affects my writing and knitting. Maybe I should take a couple days off and knit hats and color. Then it might be more soothing to my spirit.

What do you do when life sucks and you want to cheer up?


Working Stiff: Two Years, 262 Bodies, and the Making of a Medical ExaminerWorking Stiff: Two Years, 262 Bodies, and the Making of a Medical Examiner by Judy Melinek
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

First of all, don’t read this book before going to sleep. Or you won’t, especially from the part about 9/11 on. Still, it is such an engaging read. And the narrator, Tanya Eby, made the book lively, even though much of it is about death.

If Grey’s Anatomy has taught me anything about the life of a potential surgeon, it is the lack of sleep and how dangerous that lack can be for the doctor and the patient. It is that lack of sleep and trying to be a young mother that the author, Judy Melinek, realized she needed a different path, even though this path was nearly finished for the author. But all that training did lead her to be a Medical Examiner in New York.

We Americans hide from sex and death. We can talk of taxes until the cows come home. But of the two topics, death seems the least discussed. And that is too bad. We need to know about that part of life for ourselves and our loved ones.

If you are a writer, this book can be quite the reference. I can see many ways the book can be used to write a mystery or lend credence to a fatality in the novel.

I highly recommend this book, especially in audio form. I was lucky to pick it up from the library on Libby.

View all my reviews


Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human CadaversStiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The narrator, Shelly Frasier, made this book so exciting and fun. Well, despite this book being about cadavers and all.

The book was nonfiction, but the author’s stories keep a heavy and sad topic intriguing. Mary Roach includes a history of how humans have handled the dead. She also shows the research of what is working and what is actually causing harm to us and the planet.

I feel the blurb says it best, and with it, you may know if this is for you or not. I might have said no, but a friend told me about it, and she’s usually a bit more squeamish, but she loved it.

“A contagiously cheerful exploration of the cruel diligences executed on some of our bodies when, after death, we abandon them on the threshold of their graves, this book shows us cadavers turned into carcasses, and scientific experiments, the deceased who contribute to the progress of medicine with perforated genitals and extracted eyes, flesh flung from airplanes or shot with bullets to verify the efficiency of new weapons, and discards crucified like Jesus or devoured by maggots. Mary Roach has written a book that explores the great beyond in order to show us the more visible and deplorable side of the next life.”

Try it, you might like it, and possibly learn something. By the way, I got my audio copy from Libby. For those that don’t know it is a library lending service for Kindle or Audiobooks.

View all my reviews

Share Your World August 30, 2021


QUESTIONS   

(Going DEEP on these today)

Are human beings required to better themselves, and will doing that make them happier?

Who would require this? So no. I don’t think humans are required to better themselves. Nor can I say that those who strive to better themselves are happier in the process, or even with the final result of said bettering. I would love to say that some chose not to work on themselves at all. But maybe that is judgemental of me to look at them from the outside. Maybe they are doing the best they can at where they are in their path of living. I try to not judge myself either and just do my best to do what feels like the right thing to do.

Is it easier to love or to be loved?

Being loved is out of our hands. And though it may seem a nice thing, it can be torturous if you can’t return in kind for whatever reason. But truly loving a person holds deep responsibilities. So though the emotion can be easy, the follow-through can be painful. So I didn’t answer with a definitive. I guess loving is easier if it is your constant choice in how you live your life. Having loving habits makes that follow-through more automatic.

Outside traumatic brain injury, can memories be completely erased?

I don’t think so. They readjust as they are reflected against current moods and life. Bad memories can be less emotionally charged when leveled with knowing other information unavailable when the memory happened. Good memories can come from looking a the mundane with loving understanding. In this case, seeing your mother’s grocery list in her handwriting after she passed. I still get a tear in my eye when I remember picking up that boring bit of scrap paper.

Is there such a thing as a good death?

No. I guess I am bad about endings. I’m bad about people who leave me, or I have to leave. Even when I know, we will see each other again. Lots of tears. The sadness of the loss. But I wouldn’t want a person to live in debilitating pain. That would hurt worse.

and one ‘silly’ one because the former questions were fairly serious:   What do you imagine is inside a baseball?    

I imagine a rock in the hardball and a baby chick in the softball. I have seen the inside of a golf ball, my favorite jacks ball; it looked like a bunch of rubber bands. And I suppose if I got curious, I could go Google it. Not that curious. Sorry. Throw me the baby chick, please.

GRATITUDE SECTION

Feel free to share something uplifting this week!  

I am grateful that the hot summer seems to be ebbing. We have to drip our water tonight as the temp is predicted to be 32. I am grateful the flies are on their last days!

Thank you, MELANIE B CEE, for Share Your World questions to pursue!


‘When death is not seen as a normal thing, it becomes a scary thing.’

Yvensong, in a discussion about bonding with pets, and grief of the loss of pets, and people.

 

Pixabay.com

 

One-liner Wednesday is a fun prompt by Linda G. Hill.


Going BovineGoing Bovine by Libba Bray
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book was recommended to me by a very good friend. I couldn’t afford to buy it at the time. Luckily the library had the Kindle and Overdrive versions. I seemed to like listening to the audio more than trying to track the Kindle.

Guys doing girl or women’s voices as it always sounds condescending, to me, but Erik Davies (Narrator), kept my interest and I soon lost the distraction of his female voice.

Though a serious subject matter, this story has you wondering what is happening and nearly breathlessly following the characters on their adventures to save the world and the main character, Cameron’s life.

It has been labeled “Quirky”. I agree! It is certainly worth the read.

View all my reviews


Lichgates (The Grimoire Saga, #1)Lichgates by S.M. Boyce

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

When a young distraught young woman finds herself in another dimension her life is forever changed. As long as she becomes what this new reality wants from her.

It was an interesting read but the minute it became like epic fantasy I became bored with it and nearly stopped reading. For those who love those ancient stories, this will be quite pleasing. But I only liked it when the modern woman who has now lost her parents finds herself back and forth in time. I thought it interesting to watch a modern woman adjust to old ways but when the story veers off to the inhabitant of that world, YAWN! Thank goodness it went back to the main character it became more interesting again.

Maybe others will like it better.

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Five Minutes in HeavenFive Minutes in Heaven by Lisa Alther

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

What a ride! Not exactly rollercoaster, but not merry-go-round either. From the beginning, I like the main character, Jude. She is one who doesn’t belong in the world, but finds her way, anyway. She is flawed and confused, with good reasons. I wanted to root for her to win each of her obstacles.

From Tennessee to New York to France and back, Jude struggles with her demons, longing for love to return to her as pure as she put it out. Rarely does it find her. Mostly because of her own insecurities and lack of role-models, love floats out as a fantasy. Never to be achieved.

I picked this version of the book up from Amazon, Kindle Unlimited (which is in fact limited, as you can only have ten ‘checked out’ at a time). I kind of wished I had the Audible version or the Whispersync to go along, but I managed okay without.

My biggest complaint is the French. Not the people. Just the use of the language with no definitions available to the reader. If you only took Latin, Spanish and German in your language classes, French isn’t a language you even have books for. At least that’s how it is in my house. So I had to ignore the language and hoped to get the gist. I hate when authors do that to the reader. It stinks of a superiority to the reader. It wasn’t necessary. If you are conveying a story to the reader. and most of the book is in English, why not continue in that language in the last third of the book?

And the ending? Wish I had been given a grown up, matured, version of Jude when she comes home at last! The last part ended in the same way, that the other two sections had ended. Wondering what next. Still, it was worth the read.

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